Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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