she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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