you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
