I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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