Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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