worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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