There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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