just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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