remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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