It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
