Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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