in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize