He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
