And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
