Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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