The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
