the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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