Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
