I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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