True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
