I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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