So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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