you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
