Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
