I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
