sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
