Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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