I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
