What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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