yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
