I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
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I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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