I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
