Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
