she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
