I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
