I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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