So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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