I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
