hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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