At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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