it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
