; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
