saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
