Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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