i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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