Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
