I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
