sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
