Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize