I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
