i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
