A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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