nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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