His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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