good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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