Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
