like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
