i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
