i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
