i think i have two assholes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
