who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
