She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
